i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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