The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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