we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I just had sex on a roof
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
