we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
