Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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