I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize