the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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