I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
he thought i was a dude.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
My vagina just clenched in fear
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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