Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize