I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
