my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I can feel your judgement through the phone
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
