Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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