Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.