my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks