Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.