I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
