Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
how drunk are you?
Several
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
