A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
