I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
