make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
