Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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