The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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