i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
