its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
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