Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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