you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
