i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
