the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
