i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
