Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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