Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Randomize
