i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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