So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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