i jhust puked up my retainher.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Houston, we have a blender
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
