I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
