Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
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Mom said you looked used
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
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I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
as a side note pls kill me
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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