If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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