please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
