i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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