My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
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College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
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I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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