Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
