I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
