So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
