I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
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