Betty ford says i'm here all night
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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