it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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