Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Randomize
