It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
In America we eat man semen.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
