Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
