it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
