it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
