i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
