When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
