Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
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