So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
