Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
