I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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